Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
