So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
