I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
