My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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