I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the day after is always just damage control
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
