4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
