Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
