i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
