hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
