So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
