So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
