Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
