i permit you to call me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
