covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize