I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
