I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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