Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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