pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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