you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
