I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
