he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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