He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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