Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
