Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
