as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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