I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
