how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize