"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
