you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
