David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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