i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
