i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
