its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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