We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
