Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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