I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize