Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
