Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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