I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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