i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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