a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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