I wish my penis had an off switch
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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