What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need to sanitize my soul.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
