"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize