Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't think brook has ever known best
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
