I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
