Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
