this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
