I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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