I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
