Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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