How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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