There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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