pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im holly from the hills drunk
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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