i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
