Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
