hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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