Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
