i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
