What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
