all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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