First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize