she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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